Unspoken Words, Unrequited Love

You tell yourself that you saw it coming, and yet you’re not spared by the numbing pain you feel when your fear becomes reality. As if splashed by ice cold water, your brain freezes for a second. When exactly did it happen? Was it because she has chinky eyes? Or was it because she loves cats? You ask yourself a thousand questions; seek answers you’d rather not hear. You’re dying to know, but afraid to find out.

And then you try to reminisce the moments you shared together, playing them at the back of your mind like Facebook’s lookback video. Just how long you’ve been in love with him, you can’t remember. The only thing you’re sure of is that it felt strong enough to last a lifetime; the kind of love that constantly pushes you to become better so as to be worthy of him; one that makes you want to prepare porridge when he’s down with fever, even if you don’t cook; the love that keeps you from dozing off on a classic black and white film he wanted you to see; and one you’d be willing to trade a year of your life, just to take away a second of his pain. But all your feelings must now be a thing of the past, safely tucked away in the deepest part of a cold abyss that is your heart.

You say “I’m happy you’re happy”. But truth be told, you’re lying. You can fake your smile but you can’t fake your feelings. Still, with sincerity and affection, you wish him happiness. And you hope, could only hope that she would love him more than you do. Believe in him when nobody else does. Support him unconditionally in his dreams and endeavors. Or scold him badly if he ever tries smoking or does something equally foolish. And remind him of his worth should he lose faith in himself. After all is said and done, you let go of your one hundred years of unrequited love, letting it fly like a white balloon in the night sky, slowly fading in the distance until forever lost in a sea of stars.

They say you only fall out of love if you’ve fallen for someone else. But hopeless romantic as you are, you won’t allow yourself to succumb to love on the rebound. So you look for diversions instead. Soon you find that it doesn’t make things any better. For what you feel is far from the pain you get from an intense workout, which just goes away after a few days of Advil and Salonpas.

You realize that in the end we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.

Happy Week

Thursday

When was the last time you did something for the first time? I don’t know what came into my mind, perhaps I was just looking for something to break my routine, but I accepted an invitation to join a Zumba dance class at Tieto. It was a fun experience; exhausting, yes, but somehow de-stressing. I slept really well through the night and woke up with some muscle pains in the morning. Something tells me I’ve been lazy for way too long. Haha

Friday

Before the workweek ended, I was greeted with a good news. My interim performance evaluation yielded positive results. 🙂 I’m glad my colleagues appreciate my contributions to our team, and I’m even happier that I’ve gotten closer to them now (or is it just me who’s feeling close? Haha). I feel so blessed, everything’s slowly falling into place. 🙂

Saturday

Due to painful menstrual cramps, I stayed on my bed for the rest of the day, only getting up when it was time to eat. I occupied my self by reading an e-book which I’ve finished on that same day. I’m done with both these two, The Selection and The Prince, and I’m on my way to the second part of the trilogy, which is The Elite.

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Earlier this week, I listened to an audio book version of Robert Kiyosaki’s Before You Quit Your Job, so the above light readings were somehow meant to balance things out. ^^,

Sunday

I was excited to have myself enrolled in a cooking class! Yes, you heard me right! There are several classes which will be offered by Caro & Marie in the next two months. So far, we’ve picked three of the weekend sessions, the first of which is a Japanese cooking class on Aug 3. We visited their store outlet at the APM Mall today to register and pay for the enrollment fee.

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After that, we went to SM to buy an ink cartridge for my printer. Boy, was I glad to remember the correct model! Lucky me!

Before going home, my friend and I bought some vegetable seedlings. A percentage of the proceeds will go to some government project for the malnourished kids. It seems like a noble cause, so why not buy a few?

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These are bell pepper, tomato and eggplant seedlings – my babies haha. I named them Elijah the Eggplant, Johan Zachary the Tomato, and Isaiah the Bellpepper. For now, they’ll be staying here before I transfer them to a larger pot next week. Until then, be safe, my sons!

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This week’s been pretty hectic, but nevertheless, happy, productive and fruitful.

And I can’t wait for August! It’s going to be a month of firsts for me!

Ciao!

Random Days in the Life of a Software Engineer

03.17.2013 Went mountain trekking with officemates

A Lonely Tree in the Woods

The RCPI Towers

mountain peaks

a hut in the woods

03.25.2013 Attended Bo Sanchez’ talk at The Grand Feast 

The Grand Feast

Bo Sanchez 03.31.2013 Easter Celebration

Procession at 4AM

Pontifical Mass

03.31.2013 A yummy cupcake given by an officemate

04.04.2013 Dropping by the National Bookstore to check some art materials 04.08.2013 Earth Month Celebration Kick-off 04.08.2013 My favorite view… walking from the office to Ayala  Can we just stop and talk awhile?

night strolling

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Marriott Hotel

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05.30.2013 It’s a gloomy Thursday. View from the 16th floor.

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06.15.2013 Watched “Man of Steel”

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07.10.2013 Tried eating rice with many, many veggies haha

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07.11.2013 Stranded

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07.26.2013 Waiting for our food to be served

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07.26.2013 First time to have lunch here. Overall, a good deal

Lexmark Building

Algorithm for Finding Happiness

I’ve read this article earlier and I just want to share my thoughts on one of the points raised by the author and something I’d like to call my algorithm for finding happiness.

The author writes:

Decide what you want from life

To increase your satisfaction in life, you have to decide what you want from it. We often compare ourselves with others and think we want what they have, but everybody is different and just because something makes somebody else happy it doesn’t mean that it is right for you. Stop comparing yourself with others and feeling pressured to strive for goals that aren’t on your personal to-do list (such as starting a family, earning more money or buying your own home). Think about what you want and what would make you happy.

So apparently, to survive a quarter-life crisis, one must decide what it is that makes him/her happy. But this question has been boggling me for years – long enough for me to believe that I can’t really tell for certain unless I try to explore and experience different things, even those beyond my comfort zone. (Note that the operative word here is try.)

This is where my algorithm comes in.

If you know me, you’ll get a clear picture of my trial and error method in finding happiness. I made a code snippet just now to show you my algorithm. (Oops! Did I mention that I’m a programmer? But let’s not argue on, nor discuss technicalities here. Save it for later.)

Algorithm for Finding Happiness
Figure 1. Algorithm for Finding Happiness

If you’re not into programming (and can’t make sense of the above image), basically, it means that I try do things which I feel can bring me happiness (has potential happiness value, that is) and see for myself whether or not it actually does.

For instance, mountaineering has caught my interest long before and I finally decided to give it a go just recently. And because I loved and enjoyed the experience so much, I’m going to another climb this Sunday!

Needless to say, there are a lot of ways to find happiness out there. If you have a better algorithm or a different approach, let me know! We can discuss it over a cup of coffee or two. 😀

Cheers,

Σ

First Posted: June 5, 2012

It’s not pride – it’s self-respect.

When someone treats you like you’re just one of many options, help them narrow their choice by removing yourself from the equation. Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you. It’s not pride – it’s self-respect. Don’t expect to see positive changes in your life if you surround yourself with negative people. Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value and what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve. *

Self-respect

*A repost from my friend’s FB status, which is an excerpt from this article, and something I should try to remind myself of, every single day.

Know your worth. 🙂

Sundown

At the end of the day, it’s our choices and decisions that shape our lives. And more often than not, it’s the small things, added up, that drive us to make big decisions. What’s ironic is that we’ve been trying to accomplish something big, forgetting that life is made up of little things. I guess, in business and in life, there are days when you just have to make decisions, no matter how tough they are.

The Bucket List

This is my bucket list where I write down all the things I want to do, feel, experience and accomplish before I bid this world farewell. Some of these are far-fetched, but who knows, right? 🙂

  1. Go camping and mountain trekking at Osmeña Peak  (April 2012)
  2. Visit my friend’s hometown (Bukidnon) and try horseback riding
  3. Organize a picnic outing (June 2012)
  4. Fall asleep on grassy plains and sleep out under the stars
  5. Go to some province (any would do) and stay there for a few days or maybe a week
  6. Spend more time with the people I care about
  7. Fulfill my own Personal Legend
  8. Learn archery
  9. Buy a small piece of lot (August 2012)
  10. Build a cozy home for my parents/family
  11. Have my dream home
  12. Get myself a life insurance (December 2012)
  13. Learn swimming
  14. Buy a DSLR camera and try my shot at photography  (December 2013)
  15. Start up an SME or become a passive investor (August 2013)
  16. Fly to the moon
  17. Buy a big piece of land in the province (either in Argao, Dalaguete or Medellin); build a rest house and have my own farm (just like my FarmVille) – and probably have a mango plantation or some other fruits and veggies
  18. Have dinner at a place overlooking the city at night
  19. Go on a road trip
  20. Create at least one non-abstract painting
  21. Make a helicopter or a truck from Popsicle sticks and give it to my grandchildren if I have any
  22. Develop the habit of eating vegetables
  23. Learn how to cook
  24. Have a son and name him Johann Zachary
  25. Travel to Macau, Hong Kong or Singapore  (February 2014)
  26. Visit the Vatican City and hear Mass in St. Peter’s Basilica
  27. Learn a new language
  28. Witness a meteor shower
  29. Touch at least one life
  30. Read people’s mind
  31. Know someone so deeply
  32. Go to Baguio and Bacolod
  33. Visit the monastery at Simala (Apr 2011, Sept 2012)
  34. Do something out of character
  35. Drink without limits
  36. Try pottery-making
  37. Develop an app that would be the next big thing
  38. Have a rock garden at home
  39. Receive plants as a gift
  40. Receive a handwritten letter via snail mail

Last updated on Aug. 25, 2013

Last updated on April 28, 2014